Throughout our lives, we make a lot of choices. Some work out, some don’t. Over time, as we look back and reflect, we often see our mistakes as some kind of internal flaw, an obvious defect that, had it been corrected much earlier, would have changed the course of our lives. This thinking leads to a deep lack of trust – in people, in situations, and most especially in ourselves.
When we feel we can’t be trusted to make the best decisions for our own lives, it jars our belief in ourselves as a person. We feel unworthy and in need of someone or something outside of us to help guide and direct us. We start to give up our power, our direction, our belief that we can take care of ourselves in the best way.
Sometimes, this trust is broken by an external event. Our children leave home and need us less, leaving us feeling empty and unsure of what to do next. Our spouse makes the decision to move on without us. We face a traumatic loss that causes us to question everything. No matter our great choices, life is now different and our trust in the patterns and expectations of life are shattered.
Grief, anger, fear, shame, and sadness are all emotional results of loss of trust. When we lose trust in ourselves, we grieve this loss. We carry a sadness that can be masked and avoided by busyness yet still lurks below the surface. We feel shame that we made these choices or allowed these things to happen to us, even when we didn’t actually have that kind of control. We get angry at the unfairness of it all, yet retreat back to our corners in fear that one more wrong choice will create more pain.
I remember the day someone told me I carried a great sadness. I was shocked. I didn’t feel sad. What did I even have to be sad about? Then I started observing myself more closely, especially in the quiet times when I was alone. I recall sitting in my car one morning during my commute and feeling the heavy weight of sadness like someone had draped a wet blanket over me. It was both nauseating and suffocating.
Had I always been this sad? How could I have avoided feeling this for so long?
It wasn’t until I started to allow more stillness into my life and to peel back the layers of blame for choices that didn’t turn out like I’d hope – so many not even my own – that I started to release the sadness, grief, anger, shame, and fear.
In my personal work and work with others, I’ve realized that much of our avoidance of issues comes from overthinking to the point that we drown out our inner guidance. Our inner guidance tells us that we ARE worthy, we ARE to be trusted, we DO make good choices for ourselves, and we CAN’T control other people or take the blame for their choices, even if they affect us. Yet, to get to that place, we have to sit through the voices the yell the opposite. We have to be still long enough to tell those voices to be quiet, so we can hear the real truth within. And it’s difficult. One of the most difficult things we will ever do is to confront those voices that steer us away from our inner guidance and truth. It’s also one of the most uplifting and healing.
I offer you a few techniques that have helped me and other women who’ve reached that place where they’re ready for radical change. That place where the risk of staying put and accepting the lack of trust is no longer worth the painful side effects. That point in time where something inside stirs and whispers, “enough is enough.”
- Notice how you feel in your body – We often get stuck in that place of thinking too much and not allowing ourselves to be—be quiet, be sad, be grief-stricken, be us. There are some recognizable signs that we’re in that place. We feel stress, worry, and doubt. We don’t know how to move forward or make a decision. We feel “buzzy” or heavy energy around our heads, heart, and/or belly. When we recognize these are signs of being stuck, of now allowing trust in our inner guidance, we can find a safe, quiet place to be still and work through it.
- Be still and allow– As much as the idea of getting really quiet with your own thoughts may sound frightening, it’s a necessary step. You have to allow yourself the space to get past all the loud thoughts so you can get to the quiet ones. This may take time, if you’re not used to it. Start with just a few minutes a few days a week and build up. You didn’t reach this place overnight; you don’t have to unravel it overnight either.
- Drop down – When we’re overthinking, we’re in our heads. That’s why we feel lots of energy there. However, inner guidance comes from the heart or the gut. When you want guidance but can’t seem to quiet your thoughts, focus your attention on your heart space. Imagine a beautiful, healing pink bubble of light situated right in front of your heart, glowing with peace and calm. Keep focusing on the bubble until your breathing slows naturally and your racing thoughts begin to clear. Return to the bubble as often as necessary.
If you’re at a point in your life where you’re feeling the weight of sadness, grief, anger, shame, or fear affecting you and you’re ready to do something about it, I stand with you on your journey, and I summon for you the collective energy of all the women before you who have taken this step.
Trust that you are worthy. Trust that you are enough. Trust that the healing can begin. And if you need one-on-one support, feel free to reach out to me.
Love and light,
P.S. Click HERE to learn more about the healing work I do.